An $8,000.00 Haircut? No Thanks!!

On January 20, 2009, I had $20.00 in spare cash to my name. I could have taken it downtown to my barber in center city, Philadelphia, to get a haircut, my first in a long while, but I demurred, since Philadelphia Park was running, and I’ve never exited a barbershop with more money than when I entered, so I elected to hurl my fashion-bankroll lugie towards the winner’s circle. Four hours, and $2,563.00 in profit later, I was very glad I did.  I would go on to win $8,000.00 over the next two weeks.

Warren Buffet once remarked that the new carpet his wife installed in his home cost nine million dollars, given his average annual ROI, and his super-advanced amortization of what he could have made investing the price of the living-room upgrade.

Here at The Fashion Spit, we abhor wasting money on silly, superficial things like haircuts, new clothing or shoes more than once a decade, or any nonessential accessories. Places with an artificial dresscode are not worth our patronage; ever wonder why they’re going broke?

On another note, avoiding haircuts, while useful, is insufficient. All but the minimum hair products – SOAP – should also be avoided, although bodywash – useful for washing your back by loading it into a bath – can double as hair shampoo. Dishwashing liquid can be used in a jam, but nothing beats a stolen bar of soap. Image-conscious fashion-spitters can still lavish their follicles in uber-luxury within these parameters, by adding a pitstop at their local five-star hotel, invade the five-star latrine, and emerge with a bounty of FREE, five-star soap. The few dollars saved can then be invested in some Philadelphia-Park pick-threes, with the winnings used to return to the five-star hotel to rent the presidential suite, and enough “Spitzers” (see Bettor Off Single) left over to entice a pair of five-star courtesans into following, for an evening of five-star room-service, followed by a five-star threesome.

Fashion-spitters are encouraged to strongly consider the above the next time they are pondering wasting money on a haircut.

Ray Gordon